How to Talk About Job Loss

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.  In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

~ Viktor E. Frankl

                               

It was 3:00 p.m. on a Wednesday. The garage door opened. The baby was still napping, and the sound startled Jan – so much so that she thought there may be an intruder. The perceived intruder was her husband, who after 10 years as a VP at a fortune 50 company, arrived home with only a pencil cup. This is a true story that happened to one of my clients.  Since that job termination, he has left and rejoined two other companies.

Just last week, another client experienced a similar situation. She was leaving her regular Thursday morning fitness class and there was her husband in the parking lot. Her first thought was that he was there to tell her someone had died. No one had, but after 20 years at the same company, Bob had left with a minimal severance package.

In a way someone had died in both of these stories. Certainly a part of both men – their professional identity.

I have heard many more stories of job losses and how the news is delivered and taken. If you’ve never gone through this before as a spouse or life partner, and even if you have, it can be shocking. Though the experience is not happening to you, the feeling of being out of control can be almost worse than if it had happened to you.

When I have the opportunity to speak with my clients after the “stimulus” (the initial shocking news) and before the response, I can invite them into the “pause” that Viktor Frankl is referencing above.

Remain in the pause before sharing the news.

Often our natural instinct after hearing any kind of bad news is to rush to the ear of the nearest loved one or friend. However, if we open up during this very vulnerable shell-shocked time, we are often going to sink into negativity, anger, sadness and other dark emotions.

It is very empowering to allow the reality of a termination (of any kind, really) to incubate before sharing. This incubation period allows you to integrate the experience and move from a place of fear to trust.

Though you do need to process your emotions, I suggest choosing ONE trusted confidante. The goal is for you speak your deepest fears about the job loss to a wise supporter who will listen, not problem solve, and be 100% there for you.

Be careful when sharing with the kids.

Your children will notice right away that their father is not at work, so keeping silent will likely make it worse. This is an opportunity for you and your spouse to get clear about how to mindfully deliver the job loss news in a way that helps and does not harm. I will have suggestions for this in an upcoming blog post.

Start to envision a positive outcome.

You’ll know you have integrated the news and processed your emotions when you are able to begin to see the gifts of the job loss, and maybe even laugh a little. You might at this point want to begin creating a vision of the ideal position you or your spouse would like to attract and how you want to “be” in the midst of the transition. Being without a job after working 50 hour work weeks for decades can create anxiety and confusion.

When you do chose to share with everyone in your contact sphere, be really clear about what kinds of responses would help you manage through the transition, and what they can do to help you remain positive.

While the family may be collecting severance pay, make sure not to sever the part of you that is positive about what the future holds.

Networking in a New Zipcode

When your spouse or life partner has been relocated by a corporation, and yet you are an entrepreneur or small business owner, it can be challenging to find your new network.  One phenomenal resource for small business owners is BNI.  I've found membership in this business networking organization to be pivotal for my business.

The article below, published in SuccessNet Online™, highlights my experience.

When You Move, Don't Leave Behind BNI

If you are looking for ways to create an instant community in your new zipcode, consider seeking out a BNIchapter near you.

Relocating As An Empty Nester

Moving with children who need to change school systems and leave community groups like soccer, band and dance, can cause major angst in the family.

For example, one of my clients shared that her 8^th grade son spent several months eating his lunch in the bathroom when their family moved from one state to another. He didn’t tell her this until many years later, and as she told it to me I could hear the tears and guilt behind her words – even though this young man is now 30 years old.


When you have no children, or your children are fully grown, out of the home, and not involved in the move, you won’t have to be concerned about whether the kids will make friends in the new school system or be quarterback on the new football team.


However, you’ll have different challenges. Many families create their communities from their children. When attending sports games, band concerts or school events, friendships among parents start as quickly as among children. So without children, it can take longer to create a support system in a new location.


I’ve gathered some advice from empty nesting relocators to make it easier to assimilate into your new location:

1)   Get involved a local charity like a food bank

2)   Start a book club

3)   Enroll in a class at a local college

4)   Learn something new like yoga or biking

5)   Take good care of you by beginning a new self-care program

6)   Nourish your marriage by getting involved in activities you could not do if kids were around

7)   Travel with friends


Relocating as an empty nester, or for those without children, presents its own unique challenges. Take these steps to build a new supportive community where you and your partner can thrive.