Embrace the CEO Title During Relocation

A traditional leadership coach is someone who helps others sharpen their leadership skills in the corporate or entrepreneurial world. That is not my mission. I help my clients to become the CEOs of their relocations, empowering them to give themselves that promotion during this critical time of transition.

In my experience, most of us have somehow sublimated our CEO title – given our power over to someone or something else. It saddens me when I can clearly hear that a person has been demoted – or put on severance – not by a company, but by themselves.

I most often see people demote themselves during times of major life transitions like a relocation, a health challenge, a job loss or change, a relationship status change, or any other disruptive life events. During times of transition, fear and resistance to the unknown can begin to dominate, and we lose our power.

So how can we avoid losing our CEO title during the many relocations  in our life? How do we trust that there is no candidate better than ourselves to lead us through? How can we remember that we are the single most qualified one to lead our life?

One helpful tool is to create a powerful vision statement that outlines how you intend to run the company of YOU during this relocation. Then you must communicate that clearly to your support system of family, friends and acquaintances, who are in essence a part of your company.

Like a CEO, you respectfully require that your community understand and follow your vision statement so that the company of YOU thrives throughout this transition and you do not lose your job.

Your vision statement and request might sound something like this: “I am in the midst of moving from one area to another, and am very optimistic about the ultimate outcome. I need you to hold this vision with me and remind me when I forget.”

Your ultimate goal is to maintain your leadership role and avoid being forced into a severance package in your own life.  Don't allow yourself to get lost in the move.

How to Talk About Job Loss

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.  In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

~ Viktor E. Frankl

                               

It was 3:00 p.m. on a Wednesday. The garage door opened. The baby was still napping, and the sound startled Jan – so much so that she thought there may be an intruder. The perceived intruder was her husband, who after 10 years as a VP at a fortune 50 company, arrived home with only a pencil cup. This is a true story that happened to one of my clients.  Since that job termination, he has left and rejoined two other companies.

Just last week, another client experienced a similar situation. She was leaving her regular Thursday morning fitness class and there was her husband in the parking lot. Her first thought was that he was there to tell her someone had died. No one had, but after 20 years at the same company, Bob had left with a minimal severance package.

In a way someone had died in both of these stories. Certainly a part of both men – their professional identity.

I have heard many more stories of job losses and how the news is delivered and taken. If you’ve never gone through this before as a spouse or life partner, and even if you have, it can be shocking. Though the experience is not happening to you, the feeling of being out of control can be almost worse than if it had happened to you.

When I have the opportunity to speak with my clients after the “stimulus” (the initial shocking news) and before the response, I can invite them into the “pause” that Viktor Frankl is referencing above.

Remain in the pause before sharing the news.

Often our natural instinct after hearing any kind of bad news is to rush to the ear of the nearest loved one or friend. However, if we open up during this very vulnerable shell-shocked time, we are often going to sink into negativity, anger, sadness and other dark emotions.

It is very empowering to allow the reality of a termination (of any kind, really) to incubate before sharing. This incubation period allows you to integrate the experience and move from a place of fear to trust.

Though you do need to process your emotions, I suggest choosing ONE trusted confidante. The goal is for you speak your deepest fears about the job loss to a wise supporter who will listen, not problem solve, and be 100% there for you.

Be careful when sharing with the kids.

Your children will notice right away that their father is not at work, so keeping silent will likely make it worse. This is an opportunity for you and your spouse to get clear about how to mindfully deliver the job loss news in a way that helps and does not harm. I will have suggestions for this in an upcoming blog post.

Start to envision a positive outcome.

You’ll know you have integrated the news and processed your emotions when you are able to begin to see the gifts of the job loss, and maybe even laugh a little. You might at this point want to begin creating a vision of the ideal position you or your spouse would like to attract and how you want to “be” in the midst of the transition. Being without a job after working 50 hour work weeks for decades can create anxiety and confusion.

When you do chose to share with everyone in your contact sphere, be really clear about what kinds of responses would help you manage through the transition, and what they can do to help you remain positive.

While the family may be collecting severance pay, make sure not to sever the part of you that is positive about what the future holds.

Networking in a New Zipcode

When your spouse or life partner has been relocated by a corporation, and yet you are an entrepreneur or small business owner, it can be challenging to find your new network.  One phenomenal resource for small business owners is BNI.  I've found membership in this business networking organization to be pivotal for my business.

The article below, published in SuccessNet Online™, highlights my experience.

When You Move, Don't Leave Behind BNI

If you are looking for ways to create an instant community in your new zipcode, consider seeking out a BNIchapter near you.

Relocating As An Empty Nester

Moving with children who need to change school systems and leave community groups like soccer, band and dance, can cause major angst in the family.

For example, one of my clients shared that her 8^th grade son spent several months eating his lunch in the bathroom when their family moved from one state to another. He didn’t tell her this until many years later, and as she told it to me I could hear the tears and guilt behind her words – even though this young man is now 30 years old.


When you have no children, or your children are fully grown, out of the home, and not involved in the move, you won’t have to be concerned about whether the kids will make friends in the new school system or be quarterback on the new football team.


However, you’ll have different challenges. Many families create their communities from their children. When attending sports games, band concerts or school events, friendships among parents start as quickly as among children. So without children, it can take longer to create a support system in a new location.


I’ve gathered some advice from empty nesting relocators to make it easier to assimilate into your new location:

1)   Get involved a local charity like a food bank

2)   Start a book club

3)   Enroll in a class at a local college

4)   Learn something new like yoga or biking

5)   Take good care of you by beginning a new self-care program

6)   Nourish your marriage by getting involved in activities you could not do if kids were around

7)   Travel with friends


Relocating as an empty nester, or for those without children, presents its own unique challenges. Take these steps to build a new supportive community where you and your partner can thrive.

Top 10 Gifts of Relocation

Sarah has moved eight times in her adult life. When we sat down to talk she had just completed what she thinks will be her final move – this time as an empty nester.

Though she has owned homes all over the country, Sarah confirmed that any move is somewhat traumatic – even if you’re just moving across town. However, what I call PTMS (post-traumatic move syndrome) is not a part of her story. In fact, she has 10 positive things to report about her nomadic lifestyle.

1)   Reinvention – Sarah calls herself inherently shy, but cultivated a much stronger personality as a result of her moves.

2)   Forward motion – In the midst of a move, there’s no time for lamenting.

3)   Strength of family unit – “We had to have each other’s back,” Sarah shared. They didn’t have a grandma or aunt down the street to could call on. As a result, this deepened the bond of their family unit.

4)   Increased resourcefulness – She learned how to create communities instantly and make connections with key members of the school systems.

5)   More openness to other cultures – Her kids got to see a bigger world than they ever would have experienced had they remained in their small town.

6)   College assimilation – For both her kids, going away to college was a breeze. They had already developed skills that other kids often don’t. They didn’t experience the stress and discomfort that so many freshman do.

7)  Good self-care – Since she had no close relatives, she couldn’t afford to not take care of herself. She is proud of her ability to practice this skill and recognize its value.

8)   Wide job experience – She loved being employed by many different companies, as she enjoys the challenge of learning new things. Her resume is full and varied.

9)   Self-reliance – Without what she calls “ the security blanket of friends,” she needed to get comfortable going to movies and museums by herself. This has been a great experience in independence for her.

10)  Deeper faith - Though she always had a strong connection to her faith, she drew upon it even more and said she never felt alone, even if she didn't know her neighbors.  Her prayer practice increased.

In a future post, I’ll write more about the unique challenges and benefits about moving as an empty nester.

A Recommended Relocation Resource

When a family goes through a relocation, there are many services to help. Moving companies. Real estate agents. Mortgage brokers. Each entity is skilled in their area of expertise and all are needed.

I recently had the opportunity to visit the team at NRI Relocation – a company that is truly dedicated to making the relocation experience for their clients very smooth and easy. The purpose of our time together was for me to learn more about what they do and for them to more fully understand the emotional needs of a family as they relocate.

I could see that the entire NRI team had the same desire – to help their clients go through this challenging time by feeling supported and empowered. Each person on staff greeted me warmly and enthusiastically and were very interested in learning all they could about what I offer so that they could serve their clients more fully.

The camaraderie between all was what really struck me. They clearly supported one another in achieving their common goal. I could tell right away that they handled their clients with that same focused warmth and attention. Though they are a full service corporate relocation management company serving U.S. domestic and globally transferred employees, one of their main philosophies is that relocation is all about people. Therefore their clients are treated with special attention – no details are missed. Yes, they want to maximize the ROI of their clients’ relocation program investment – but most of all, they care.

Here is one my favorite quotes they share that represents their philosophy:

“A successful relocation is one in which the employee remains focused and stress-free, and can pick up their new job responsibilities quickly and efficiently. Incorporating meaningful relocation benefits with responsive, personalized assistance and expert resources ensure transferring employees will feel good about their decisions, happy about their move, and valued as an employee.”

After meeting this team, I can honestly say that they walk their talk and would be an asset to anyone seeking relocation assistance.

Click below to watch a video interview with me and Susan Bender, CEO of NRI Relocation, as she seeks to learn more about the relocation experience of the executive spouse. Our conversation speaks volumes about this company’s dedication to serve not just the relocating employee but the spouse as well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwMUpwAmA94

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Relocation

Relocating executives commonly want to support and help their spouse during a move. They realize they’ve created this situation, and they want to give her what she needs to thrive and prosper in their new location.

To help you help her, let’s look at this situation through the lens of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Maslow’s theory is that basic needs must be met before one can address needs at a higher level. During a relocation, one’s most basic needs like shelter are feeling threatened.

All too often, once the closing papers are signed, the expectation is that the first level of the pyramid is satisfied. Though the threat is not real (there IS a new home to move into, she is warm enough, and she has food and water), there can be an irrational fear of feeling like nowhere is home. Of feeling displaced.

If not addressed, this fear can impact her ability to move forward and ever feel at home and safe in the new location. Remember that she may not always be aware that these needs are feeling threatened – it’s up to you to be communicative and proactively check in with questions about how she is feeling – not just inquires about tactile moving issues. If you notice that she seems especially depressed, scattered, angry or withdrawn, take time to communicate.

To help alleviate her fears, it’s important to honor and recognize the feeling of not being safe and encourage her to talk through it. Suggest ideas to make the temporary housing or new home feel like “home.”

Once basic needs are met, and only then, your spouse and family can comfortably begin to experience psychological health and achieve assimilation in the new neighborhood. Ultimately, the goal is to be in the new zip code and begin to experience true fulfillment – the pinnacle of Maslow’s model.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. At Holistic Relo I use a similar 5-step process to help families understand the psychological ramifications of relocation.