When we go through any major life transition, our kids are watching us. In truth, everyone is watching us, but our children are the ones we are most responsible to for modeling healthy – not toxic – responses to life events.
In a previous blog post, I discussed the value of waiting before you announce a move. This way you’ll be able to integrate the reality and process your own emotions before dealing with other people’s responses and opinions.
This may not always be practical or possible when it comes to your kids, but at least take time to create a mindful and positive way for you and your spouse to tell your kids about the impending change.
Here are a few principles to keep in mind when designing your communication plan:
1) Talk about what you are visioning for, not what you are afraid of, e.g., “We look forward to creating a new community, while still staying in touch with our friends and family here.”
2) Allow plenty of time for the kids to process their emotions, which may include fear and sadness. Use open-ended questions, e.g., “What are you feeling about the upcoming move?”
3) Be truthful about your emotions, too. Let them see that fear and doubt are normal, but share that you want to remain in a positive space, e.g., “When any of us are feeling sad, angry or scared, let’s promise to be open and honest about it and talk it over.”
4) Create a family theme that represents how you want to remain throughout the move, e.g., trusting, patient, or connected.
5) Schedule family meetings at least once a week to discuss not only the logistics of the move, but the emotions that are present.
6) Coach your kids on how to share the news with their friends. Offer to help them craft a script to respond to questions, e.g., “Yes, we are moving and though I have some fear, I mostly feel excited about my new house and friends. Let’s plan how we can stay connected.”
No one knows the unique needs or communication style of your family better than you do. Use these examples as a guideline as you set the intention to maintain communication – and be sure to talk about emotions, not just paint colors.
A traditional leadership coach is someone who helps others sharpen their leadership skills in the corporate or entrepreneurial world. That is not my mission. I help my clients to become the CEOs of their relocations, empowering them to give themselves that promotion during this critical time of transition.
In my experience, most of us have somehow sublimated our CEO title – given our power over to someone or something else. It saddens me when I can clearly hear that a person has been demoted – or put on severance – not by a company, but by themselves.
I most often see people demote themselves during times of major life transitions like a relocation, a health challenge, a job loss or change, a relationship status change, or any other disruptive life events. During times of transition, fear and resistance to the unknown can begin to dominate, and we lose our power.
So how can we avoid losing our CEO title during the many relocations in our life? How do we trust that there is no candidate better than ourselves to lead us through? How can we remember that we are the single most qualified one to lead our life?
One helpful tool is to create a powerful vision statement that outlines how you intend to run the company of YOU during this relocation. Then you must communicate that clearly to your support system of family, friends and acquaintances, who are in essence a part of your company.
Like a CEO, you respectfully require that your community understand and follow your vision statement so that the company of YOU thrives throughout this transition and you do not lose your job.
Your vision statement and request might sound something like this: “I am in the midst of moving from one area to another, and am very optimistic about the ultimate outcome. I need you to hold this vision with me and remind me when I forget.”
Your ultimate goal is to maintain your leadership role and avoid being forced into a severance package in your own life. Don't allow yourself to get lost in the move.
