How to Tell the Kids You Are Moving

When we go through any major life transition, our kids are watching us. In truth, everyone is watching us, but our children are the ones we are most responsible to for modeling healthy – not toxic – responses to life events.

In a previous blog post, I discussed the value of waiting before you announce a move. This way you’ll be able to integrate the reality and process your own emotions before dealing with other people’s responses and opinions.

This may not always be practical or possible when it comes to your kids, but at least take time to create a mindful and positive way for you and your spouse to tell your kids about the impending change.

Here are a few principles to keep in mind when designing your communication plan:

1) Talk about what you are visioning for, not what you are afraid of, e.g., “We look forward to creating a new community, while still staying in touch with our friends and family here.”

2) Allow plenty of time for the kids to process their emotions, which may include fear and sadness. Use open-ended questions, e.g., “What are you feeling about the upcoming move?”

3) Be truthful about your emotions, too. Let them see that fear and doubt are normal, but share that you want to remain in a positive space, e.g., “When any of us are feeling sad, angry or scared, let’s promise to be open and honest about it and talk it over.”

4) Create a family theme that represents how you want to remain throughout the move, e.g., trusting, patient, or connected.

5) Schedule family meetings at least once a week to discuss not only the logistics of the move, but the emotions that are present.

6) Coach your kids on how to share the news with their friends. Offer to help them craft a script to respond to questions, e.g., “Yes, we are moving and though I have some fear, I mostly feel excited about my new house and friends. Let’s plan how we can stay connected.”

No one knows the unique needs or communication style of your family better than you do. Use these examples as a guideline as you set the intention to maintain communication – and be sure to talk about emotions, not just paint colors.