Separation Due to Relocation

When your spouse or life partner is living in another city for a period of time during your relocation, you find yourself saying farewell on a weekly basis. The first few times that happens can be particularly painful if you are not prepared. You may experience unexpected feelings of abandonment and loss.

It can be very helpful to take time to discuss the weekly departures with your spouse/partner so that you avoid last-minute meltdowns. While it is perfectly okay and understandable to have an emotional storm come out of the blue, it may help you feel more settled if you are able to process the grief more thoroughly.

I recommend creating a goodbye ritual that you adhere to no matter what, such as:

• Handwritten notes tucked into his suitcase or her pillow.

• Each partner keeping a talisman of sorts – a special rock with a word written on it that symbolizes union or strength.

• A certain quote or phrase that infuses hope, strength and connection, that can be spoken to one another at parting, e.g.,“ Our love and connection crosses state lines.”

Being able to keep in touch via cell phone, Skype video calls, and texting can all make weekly goodbyes much less painful. The goal is to keep these connections thriving.

Holiday Relocation Sustainability

The desire to be sustainable is on everyone’s mind. And yet, if you are moving during the month of December, perhaps sustainability is the last thing you are thinking about.

Even if you are relocating this month, consider the concept of inner sustainability, because accomplishing this will add, not subtract, from the peace of the season.

We are each our own ecosystem - a mini planet of sorts - and there are easy things that we can do to improve our own sustainability and care for the planet in an energetic, not literal way. Here are some ideas:

• Breathe. Breathing fully from the belly decreases stress, increases brain function and helps you to become more mindful.

• Be still. Stillness and mindfulness foster connectedness, and from this place we realize that all of our actions and choices affect others.

• Be kind to yourself. Being violent to yourself (running around chaotically this season, skipping your body movement and eating things that do not make you feel good) creates tiny ripples of violence that radiate out. Nonviolence and self-care ripple outward in a much more positive way, encircling our planet with peace.

Sustainability doesn't have to be relegated to engineers. It actually can live right beneath our noses with something as simple as the breath. Start with you.

Home for the H.O.L.I.D.A.Y.S

If you are moving over the holidays, you may consider paying closer attention to what is going on inside of you, rather than external decorations. You will have plenty of time to decorate for future holidays in your home.

You may not feel one bit at home this holiday season if you have just relocated to a new zip code. What if you focused more on sprucing up your true home, which is your body and your emotional well-being? Beautiful mums, holiday lights, and packages become irrelevant if you are empty inside.

As Jim Rohn says, "Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live."

Every holiday season I challenge myself and my clients to focus more on our self-care than on anything else during this time. Here's an acronym for the word H.O.L.I.D.A.Y.S that may will help keep YOU at the top of your shopping list:

Honor Your Body. Treat your emotional and physical self like the most delicate of packages.

Only Say Yes to what you want to do. Is this the year you decline the cookie exchange party?

Let it Go. Once you've said no, let it go.

Internal Landscape. Pay at least as much attention to what you are thinking, feeling and believing on the inside, as you do to the string of lights on the outside.

Deep Breathing. This is a gift that is always available to be unwrapped - it lives right under your nose and has a tremendous ability to calm your nervous system.

Accept Help. It's a gift for others to support you. Say yes to offers.

You. Put your name on your gift list. At the TOP.

Slow down. Affirm that there is plenty of time.


Remember that you are really always HOME for the holidays - because you take yourself with you wherever you go.

Top 5 Reasons Yoga Helps During Relocation

Did you know?

• More than 20 million people practice yoga in the U.S. (according to Yoga Journal)

• 35.9 million U.S. residents – that 11.7 percent of all Americans – relocated between 2012 and 2013 (according to U.S. Census Bureau reports)

I wonder how many of those 35.9 million overlap with the 20 million? Those who do practice yoga during a relocation – or any big life transition – can count on these five major benefits:

1) Increased immune health. It’s no surprise that during a major move, it’s easy to end up with some kind of illness. Many studies have shown that those practicing yoga were healthier than a control group. Yoga poses stimulate the circulatory, digestive, nervous and endocrine systems, and all of these keep the immune system healthy.

2) Sounder sleep. When you have a million things on your do-list, from packing to finding new schools for the kids, it’s challenging to shut your mind off and fall asleep. Yoga poses, especially spinal twists, calm the nervous system, while meditation and breath work help mitigate stress. All of these help you to experience a good night’s sleep.

3) Better balance. Moving means a lot of lifting, often juggling (literally and figuratively) many things at one time. Practicing balancing poses on the mat help you to negotiate that stray box you didn’t see in your path and land on your feet, not your bottom.

4) Mindful eating. Pizza and other fast food choices often top the list during the hectic times of relocation. Regular yoga enhances the mind-body connection so that you become more aware of which foods nourish you versus harm you. Eating well throughout your move will help you arrive in your new location feeling energized not depleted.

5) Calm communication. Let’s face it, when you are managing many people at once in the old and new locations, things can get hectic and effective communication often goes out the window. Performing yoga quiets the mind, and this leads to clearer communication.

So many things can be out of your control during times of relocation. One thing you can control is the home that you carries you around 24/7 – your body, nervous system and mind.

Even if you don’t have a serious yoga practice or have never tried yoga before, you can reach out to a local studio or hire an instructor to teach you some simple poses to help you through.

You deserve to feel at home all the time, no matter what phase of the move you are in. Stopping to breathe mindfully and drop into a few gentle yoga poses is as important as packing that next box.

Temporary Housing Can Feel Like Home

If you need to stay in temporary housing while you are in between homes for your corporate relocation, you may feel like you don’t have much control over your situation. Luckily, there are many ways you can make a temporary stay feel like home right from the start.

I’m all about helping families feel as comfy as possible all throughout the move, and not put off their comfort until the last box is unpacked in the new home. Instead, I encourage people in relocation with the motto, “Make every moment as good as it can be!”

Here are some of the items my clients and I have used to cozy up our living spaces while waiting for a home to close. It would be worth your while to ship a few boxes of these treasured items ahead of time. That way, as soon as you arrive you can immediately surround yourself with your own unique items from home.

Decorations

• Framed photos of your family members, friends and pets; artwork from the kids; greeting cards from your spouse, friends, etc.


• Small throw rugs


• Plants from the local grocery store, which will detoxify the air and beautify the space; living things are always nourishing


• Fresh cut flowers


• A bright, colorful fruit bowl

Creature comforts

• Everyone’s favorite sheets and other bed coverings like pillowcases, quilts and mattress pads


• Your own towels


• Essential kitchen tools (for me, this is the power blender for my green smoothies in the morning)


• Journal and/or motivational or entertaining books for your nightstand

Scents

Essential oils or smells from a favorite candle can instantly change your mood. As well, fill your home with familiar cooking smells – if you had a Sunday night crockpot tradition, continue that. Though it’s tempting to eat out, especially if you have an expense account, remember the value of taking good care of your body during this stressful time.

I recently met with Carly McClure of BridgeStreet, and learned about their “serviced” (furnished) apartments – a refreshing alternative to the traditional extended stay hotel experience. With a simple phone call to your relocation advisor, you can request a BridgeStreet location and gain access to the nicest corporate temporary housing space I have ever seen. It was obvious from my conversation with Carly that everyone at BridgeStreet are committed to making their guests feel as comfortable as possible. Visit www.bridgestreet.com to learn more.

How to Tell the Kids You Are Moving

When we go through any major life transition, our kids are watching us. In truth, everyone is watching us, but our children are the ones we are most responsible to for modeling healthy – not toxic – responses to life events.

In a previous blog post, I discussed the value of waiting before you announce a move. This way you’ll be able to integrate the reality and process your own emotions before dealing with other people’s responses and opinions.

This may not always be practical or possible when it comes to your kids, but at least take time to create a mindful and positive way for you and your spouse to tell your kids about the impending change.

Here are a few principles to keep in mind when designing your communication plan:

1) Talk about what you are visioning for, not what you are afraid of, e.g., “We look forward to creating a new community, while still staying in touch with our friends and family here.”

2) Allow plenty of time for the kids to process their emotions, which may include fear and sadness. Use open-ended questions, e.g., “What are you feeling about the upcoming move?”

3) Be truthful about your emotions, too. Let them see that fear and doubt are normal, but share that you want to remain in a positive space, e.g., “When any of us are feeling sad, angry or scared, let’s promise to be open and honest about it and talk it over.”

4) Create a family theme that represents how you want to remain throughout the move, e.g., trusting, patient, or connected.

5) Schedule family meetings at least once a week to discuss not only the logistics of the move, but the emotions that are present.

6) Coach your kids on how to share the news with their friends. Offer to help them craft a script to respond to questions, e.g., “Yes, we are moving and though I have some fear, I mostly feel excited about my new house and friends. Let’s plan how we can stay connected.”

No one knows the unique needs or communication style of your family better than you do. Use these examples as a guideline as you set the intention to maintain communication – and be sure to talk about emotions, not just paint colors.

Embrace the CEO Title During Relocation

A traditional leadership coach is someone who helps others sharpen their leadership skills in the corporate or entrepreneurial world. That is not my mission. I help my clients to become the CEOs of their relocations, empowering them to give themselves that promotion during this critical time of transition.

In my experience, most of us have somehow sublimated our CEO title – given our power over to someone or something else. It saddens me when I can clearly hear that a person has been demoted – or put on severance – not by a company, but by themselves.

I most often see people demote themselves during times of major life transitions like a relocation, a health challenge, a job loss or change, a relationship status change, or any other disruptive life events. During times of transition, fear and resistance to the unknown can begin to dominate, and we lose our power.

So how can we avoid losing our CEO title during the many relocations  in our life? How do we trust that there is no candidate better than ourselves to lead us through? How can we remember that we are the single most qualified one to lead our life?

One helpful tool is to create a powerful vision statement that outlines how you intend to run the company of YOU during this relocation. Then you must communicate that clearly to your support system of family, friends and acquaintances, who are in essence a part of your company.

Like a CEO, you respectfully require that your community understand and follow your vision statement so that the company of YOU thrives throughout this transition and you do not lose your job.

Your vision statement and request might sound something like this: “I am in the midst of moving from one area to another, and am very optimistic about the ultimate outcome. I need you to hold this vision with me and remind me when I forget.”

Your ultimate goal is to maintain your leadership role and avoid being forced into a severance package in your own life.  Don't allow yourself to get lost in the move.