Separation Due to Relocation

When your spouse or life partner is living in another city for a period of time during your relocation, you find yourself saying farewell on a weekly basis. The first few times that happens can be particularly painful if you are not prepared. You may experience unexpected feelings of abandonment and loss.

It can be very helpful to take time to discuss the weekly departures with your spouse/partner so that you avoid last-minute meltdowns. While it is perfectly okay and understandable to have an emotional storm come out of the blue, it may help you feel more settled if you are able to process the grief more thoroughly.

I recommend creating a goodbye ritual that you adhere to no matter what, such as:

• Handwritten notes tucked into his suitcase or her pillow.

• Each partner keeping a talisman of sorts – a special rock with a word written on it that symbolizes union or strength.

• A certain quote or phrase that infuses hope, strength and connection, that can be spoken to one another at parting, e.g.,“ Our love and connection crosses state lines.”

Being able to keep in touch via cell phone, Skype video calls, and texting can all make weekly goodbyes much less painful. The goal is to keep these connections thriving.

Relocation Depression

Even experienced relocators can find themselves sinking into a depression. Judy, an executive’s wife who had already moved five times to support her husband’s career, fell into a deep depression on move number six. Many things contributed to her depression, including moving to a brand new climate that she hated, downsizing from a large home to a condo, leaving her kids behind in their colleges, and leaving a teaching job she had taken years to perfect.

She was normally a highly motivated individual who prided herself in motivating others – so when she was having trouble leaving her house, she felt she had no one to turn to. Her husband had never seen this side of her, and though he was a tremendous supporter, he was unable to help her on his own.

After lying on the sofa for nine months, gaining 40 pounds and crying so hard and often her face peeled from the salt of her tears, she reached out to find a therapist. Therapy helped her get back on her feet and put support systems in place and she’s in a much better place now.

Twenty years later, I asked Judy her advice for another young woman going through a similar experience. She recommended telling others about your depression as quickly as you can so they can help you, even if that means making your therapy appointment for you.

Judy’s situation was truly extreme and quite rare. However, her advice to keep communication fluid will help prevent a similar situation and address relocation depression in all its forms.

If you find yourself hesitant to reach out, try putting yourself in the shoes of your supporters. When someone you love is having a difficult time, don’t you appreciate the opportunity to help?