The fact is, most of us are ill-equipped to provide comfort to each other during major life changes, whether a death, divorce, miscarriage or infertility. We mean well, but are often clueless. We say all the wrong things at all the wrong times.
For example, here are some of the things you might hear from people when you talk about relocating:
“Oh, I have an uncle in that state you are moving to – he loves it there, you will, too…. Now let me tell you all about the culture, weather and school systems.” (…as they drone on with inane details.)
“OH MY GOSH – you are moving there? Their weather/school system/economy sucks.”
“Aren’t you EXCITED? I’ve always wanted to move.”
“You are so LUCKY! More money and a lower cost of living!”
“The housing market is TERRIBLE right now! Good luck with that.”
“I moved once too, when I was a kid….let me tell you all about it.”
“Take this vitamin/essential oil/herbal remedy – it will help.”
“Oh no, what am I going to do without you?”
“Can I have your furniture/art/etc.?”
These phrases probably sound like nails on a chalkboard to you, when you would rather hear things like:
“What is this like for you?”
“I am sorry you are facing this life change – any change can be a challenge.”
“How can I support you through this process?”
“What can you do to take care of yourself?”
“Can I watch the kids/pets while you go house hunting?”
“I’m here for you.”
If you are inundated with people saying all the wrong things as you go through your move, allow yourself to feel the frustration. Try to believe that the person across from you is doing the best they can to offer support.
My all-time favorite supportive comment came from a dear friend who, having moved herself many times, seemed to truly understand the challenges I was facing. Carol would invite me to envision that she was riding on the dash as I traveled back and forth from old to new location, providing me love and support. Every time I got in the car (and there were many) I felt Carol on the dash, and her support got me through some tough times.
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